Maturity – Page 2

Scary, Strong Women

Maturity, wonder of creation / By teri / October 18, 2022 September 24, 2022 / created in God's image, legends, scary women, strong women

Choose to be Strong

Choose to live larger than life!

My son-in-loves good friend said concerning women, “Any creature that can bleed for a week and not die should be feared.” Yes, sisters, God, Who should be feared and is wonderful, made us to be fearfully and wonderfully strong. Let me introduce you to two of the scary, strong women I know as I share an excerpt from my newly released book,.

Available on Amazon on SALE at 50% off until October 31st!

Legendary Lola (born on Friday the 13th, October 1911 !

“She always brought home the most ribbons from the fair.”

“She worked as hard as any man!”

“She always caught the biggest fish!”

“She could drop an elk bull with one rifle shot from horseback.”

Who was she, this legendary woman? Lola Michaeline Burton Salveson, my Great Aunt. Lola loomed larger than life when she came up in a family conversation. She was my father’s favorite aunt and her husband, Orville, a.k.a. Bud, my dad’s favorite uncle. Together Lola and Bud ran a cattle ranch south of Pocatello just outside the smaller than small town of Downey, Idaho. Much like the legendary Idaho potato picture in postcards—the giant potato that fills a semi-truck bed—Lola’s reputation outsized her demure stature by several feet and pounds.

She stood five feet tall on the outside but dwarfed Goliath on the inside. Her petite frame, complimented by fair features and curly, burnt umber locks, made her quite a good-looking woman in her youth. Her dark eyes gleamed with steely resolve. Now, I’m not saying that Lola was stubborn, but I will say her tenacity made a mule look compliant. Her feet were small but wide. Poor Lola, finding sandals to fit was impossible for her. She liked painting her toenails red. Determined to show them off, she hired a doctor to amputate her little toes. “You can’t see pinky toes in sandals anyway. Now I can find sandals that fit,” Lola boasted.

The Heroin Jael

To the Israelites, Jael became a legend when she killed their enemy with kindness. After feeding Sisera and lulling him to sleep, she took her hammer and tent pegs. The tools she had long used to dominate the hard, dry ground became weapons in her hands as she pierced the skull of Israel’s persecutor. Her story appears in the book of Judges, chapters four and five. This gruesome tale reminds me again of Lola cutting off her pinky toes. In her domain, she would show off those pretty red toes no matter what it took!

From creation, God gave us dominion. He made us in His image, and part of bearing that image requires us to rule over our domain. Yes, Sisters, you and I were created to master. For those of us who are married, we partner as one with our husbands. Our place of submission is not a lesser position. We must secure the order of our homes. In so doing, we extend our husband’s ability to have dominion outside the home. I don’t believe a woman should only work at home. I do know if a woman’s home is not well-ordered, she has no business exporting her skills to other domains. We need to get our priorities in line with our purpose. Once those are in order, it’s all about domination!

In this trick-or-treat season, let’s choose to treat others with the strength and courage God intends us to have. Let’s choose to live larger than life!

Grow Grand, Get Rich!

contentment, Faith, Family Life, friendship, Knowing God, Maturity / By teri / October 4, 2022 September 24, 2022 / eternal investments, friendship, get rich, investments, lasting investments, real wealth, wealth

Choose True Wealth

An excerpt from Teri’s new book Choose Now to Grow Grand, Not Old on SALE now for 50% off until October 31st!

The love we give to others, the influence for good we have in another’s life, and the deep, meaningful friendships we make by investing and taking an interest in people; this is the wealth I want to accumulate. It means I must be aware of the people around me and learn to anticipate their needs. It means I need to make an effort to remember names. It amazes me how a stranger serving me responds with delight when I read their name tag and address them by name. We all long for appreciation as an individual who matters. When we choose to learn someone’s name, it speaks volumes to them. I discovered this when Bill and I came to Grace Baptist Church.

Before moving to Kansas, I got a copy of the church’s picture directory and began studying it. I looked at the faces of people I’d never met and prayed for each one by name. The Lord blessed that effort. Over and over again, different members of Grace shared their surprise at how quickly Bill and I remembered their names. They were impressed with how many other people we remembered and knew. All I can say is that I made a small effort, but God multiplied the results. He gets the glory!

God reveals His heart for people by knowing the number of hairs on our heads and knitting each one of us in our mother’s womb. By declaring us His image-bearers, He valued people above all other created beings. The Lord deems us worthy of a priceless redemption bought by the blood of Christ. He paid top dollar for broken merchandise. Now, if that doesn’t make us feel loved, nothing will. And if that doesn’t motivate us to see the value of others, nothing else can. Since God finds people that worthwhile, shouldn’t we? Simple practices like remembering birthdays, favorite colors, and food preferences honor people. Understanding their goals, sorrows, and fears reveals how much we value them. Relationships—thriving, loving relationships—make us truly wealthy.

Let’s grow grand in our relationships by accumulating friends and investing in people. Let’s not be misers when it comes to being generous with people. Let’s get really rich!

Choose to Smile at Your Future

Faith, Maturity / By teri / September 6, 2022 July 6, 2022 / aging, birthdays, good choices, growing

In Honor of my grandma, Irène Kay

b. September 7, 1914 – d. April 11, 2015

I remember standing naked in front of my full-length mirror about six months after my second child was born. The reflection of a saggy, baggy abdomen startled me. It’s not how I remembered my figure looking. A decade or so later, the reflection staring back at me would rattle me again but not with stretch marks. This time I noticed a road map had started to form on my face, lines indicating the most common expressions I made. I want to say these revelations of aging don’t bother me anymore, but that’s not entirely true.

While I’m far more comfortable in my skin than ever before, it still surprises me to witness my future self overshadowing my past visage. I’m sure you can relate to some extent because I’ve heard even eighteen-year-olds remark, “I’m getting old!” We’re acutely aware that the future invades our present all too quickly.

The future evokes many different emotions for different people. Some may feel apprehensive, even fearful, at the mystery of what’s to come. They cling to the past and fight the effects of aging. Others look forward to new seasons of opportunity and choose to make peace with the older stranger staring back at them from the mirror. This latter choice is the one wise women make. Our ultimate future should inform our present circumstances. “Strength and dignity are her clothing, And she smiles at the future” (Proverbs 31:25).

My grandma, Irène, displayed this strength and dignity. At ninety-nine years old, her rectum collapsed. For a younger person, simple surgery could correct this body failure, but surgery was not an option for my grandmother because of her weak heart. Her response to this humiliating consequence of aging was, “Ces’t la via!” Life in a fallen world will ravage our health over time. When it does, will we choose to smile? Irène did.

For those of us who God gives long life, we should not be surprised that our futures include trial, pain, and loss. Scripture makes this very clear. How will we walk through those wildernesses? Will we smile and trust God for a good ending or complain like the children of Israel? Choosing contentment and joy don’t come naturally. Positive attitudes take life-long cultivation. It takes determination to look beyond our circumstances and trust the Lord to use trials for our good.

“Cease from anger, and forsake wrath; Do not fret—it only causes harm” (Psalm 37:8). This is my go-to verse when I feel my knickers in a knot. I don’t want to be an angry, fretful woman. At sixty-one, I’m already feeling a loss of strength and vitality, but I cling to this reality: “Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day” (2 Corinthians 4:16).

My friend Betty and I share the same birthday, although she’s a few years older than me. When I told her happy birthday, she said, “I quit celebrating those.”

“Why?!” I asked. “Every year is another year closer to going home to Heaven, another year closer to being with the Lord forever, another year closer to having every tear wiped away! Birthdays are always worth celebrating.”

“Well, when you put it like that, you’re right. Let the party begin!”

I’ve been to four 100^th birthday parties and watched many news clips of individuals celebrating their centenarian birthday. No one partied as hearty as my grandma Irène did at her party. She had a live band and danced in her walker. She grinned as the band ended with her favorite song, Good Night, Irène.

God granted me the privilege of knowing many women in their eighties and nineties. I watched as some grumbled through their last years; others flourished and made the most of the time they had left, like Irène. They enjoyed frequent visits from friends and family, continued attending and serving in church, and found ways to use their time well. They finished life grand. I want to finish the way these women did. So, I choose my habits and responses to difficulties with care. This is how they grew grand, and I want to grow grand, too. Do you?

Let’s choose to keep smiling at our futures. When life throws eggs at us, let’s bake a soufflé and say, “Ces’t la via!”

It’s hard to find women in their eighties and nineties that will serve as role models and mentors. So, God put it on my heart to share the treasury of older women He’s put in my life. My book, Choose Now to Grow Grand, Not Old, will be released in October 2022. In this book, I share the characteristics I’ve observed that make these women grand and the choices they made to finish life well. It will be available for pre-order soon. Please check it out by clicking the link below.

5 Rules of Listening for When We Don’t Like What We Hear

1 Comment / forbearance, grandparenting, Maturity, Trials / By teri / August 23, 2022 June 4, 2022 / gracious listener, listening, receiving critisism, taking advice

What?!

My daughter’s new boyfriend decided to T.P. our house. We chuckled at his display of affection, but my teenage daughter’s amusement turned to groans as I delegated the clean-up to her. I suggested she recruit the culprit for help.

It helps to think of unwanted advice and criticism as verbal toilet papering. Well-meaning people toss these words our way to show they care. Unfortunately, we’re more inclined to dodge their comments as if they were sticks and stones. While pranksters squander yards of toilet paper, words are only wasted when they fall on deaf ears.

“The ear that hears the rebukes of life will abide among the wise. Whoever ignores instruction despises himself, but he who listens to reproof gains intelligence.” Proverbs 15:31 – 32. Intelligent people consider even unsolicited advice and warnings.

Rule 1. Listen! Instead of deflecting and rejecting unpleasant counsel, let’s hear and understand. Invite the person into the conversation, like I told my daughter to ask her boyfriend to help her clean up. Take time to understand what the other person meant. Sometimes we misinterpret things. What we heard may not be what they said. Even if we find someone’s advice not applicable to our present situation, we may find it helpful in the future. Listening and learning are marks of wisdom.

Rule 2. Listen in Love! “Owe no one anything except to love one another,” Romans 13:8. When someone comes to us with unwanted words (notice I said when not if because it will happen), we owe it to them to treat them in love. “Love is patient, kind, …is not provoked, thinks no evil,…bears all things” (1Corinthians 13:4,5,7), such as hurtful words and annoying advice. How do we want to be received when we share our thoughts with another? Jesus expects us to receive comments from others the way we want our words received.

Rule 3. Listen with Gratitude! “Open rebuke is better than love carefully concealed. Faithful are the wounds of a friend,” Proverbs 27: 5, 6. With friends like that, who needs enemies, right? Wrong! Enemies don’t care. Enemies won’t bother with you. They want to see us fail. The rest of Proverbs 27:6 says, “But the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.” People who tell us we’re fine when we’re not or have an idea how to remedy our problem but don’t tell us are not helpful. Wouldn’t you rather have someone try to help and fail than fail even to try? Be thankful for people who care enough to say something, even if it is the wrong thing.

Rule 4. Listen in Humility! I touched on this in the first rule, but it bears deeper consideration. “Hurt does not equal harm” (source unknown). As we read in Proverb 27, wounds from a friend are faithful, not fatal. I know that when my feelings are hurt, it’s usually because my pride is injured. When my feathers get ruffled, I need to pluck them off.

The adage “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me,” was taught to children so that they would learn that being hurt by words is a choice. We can choose not to take offense. We can choose to disregard insults. We can choose to overlook a person’s clumsy attempts to be helpful. But these choices require humility.

Truth spoken in love can hurt. Being told we’re wrong hurts, but pain that prompts us to repent promotes healing. “Yes, all of you be submissive to one another, and be clothed with humility, for “God… gives grace to the humble.” 1Peter 5:5

Rule 5. Listen as a Steward! What do we do with these unpleasant words? We own them for God’s glory. Let’s pray through unwanted words and ask God to show us if there’s any truth in them. Digesting unwanted words in prayer is a lot like eating chicken. Thank God for His provision, then chew the meat and spit out the bones. Like poultry feeds our bodies, listening prayerfully to unwanted counsel will nourish our souls. It may be that the person who spoke to us is God’s messenger, after all.

The Testimony of Sacred Similarities and Divine Differences

celebrations, Community, Faith, Family Life, Knowing God, Maturity / By teri / August 9, 2022 April 21, 2022 / antiracism, Beautiful Community, Junetheenth, sinful white supremacy, superiority sins

Aspiring to Beautiful Community

Happy Juneteenth!

Comparisons spill out when we welcome a new family member. “Look, she has her mama’s eyes.” “I see her daddy’s dimpled cheeks.” “She has Aunt Jenny’s red hair.” We search those precious newborns for family resemblance. We. Just. Do.

Last year my oldest daughter gave birth to her fifth; my youngest daughter welcomed her first. Yeah! Two new grandbabies for me! The babies were born three weeks apart. Both baby girls weighed the same. Dark hair covered both heads, and both babies have a raspberry birthmark on their backsides (not the same spot but the same size). I call them identical cousins, but they aren’t.

They differ in several ways: eye color, activity level, even their reaction to a dirty diaper. God wove these similarities and differences into my granddaughters just as He does the whole human family.

Back in the ‘90s, I watched Arsenio Hall’s T.V. show. His facial expressions and jawline mesmerized me because these features reminded me of a friend from high school. Yet, Arsenio is African-American, and my friend descended from Irish stock. Despite their contrasting hair and skin tones, their similar facial features reveal their connection. Physical similarities that ignore geopolitical boundaries confirm our sacred union as one human family. We all bleed red. We all need love. We all descended from Adam.

God creates each of us in His image. Reflecting His multi-faceted majesty requires infinite diversity; hence, human diversity is divine. God diversified languages to force people to populate the whole world.

God’s judgment at Babel drove people to migrate across the globe (Genesis 11). Different weather conditions and food supplies began to shape different cultures. Adaptation transformed the physical features of people in varying regions. Unfortunately, humanity is a sinful race.

We constructed class and racial systems to claim superiority and oppress other people groups. We deny the truth with these false contrivances; God created all people in His image. The grievous sins of classism, racism and ethnic supremacy grieve God. Jesus calls us out of that darkness.

“There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” Galatians 3:38

In the proceeding passage, Paul acknowledges our differences and establishes our value. No one is less than human in Jesus’s eyes.

As followers of Christ, we witness God drawing people from every tribe, tongue, and nation. But do we embrace the diversity of those cultures? Pastor Irwyn L. Ince Jr. shows us how it’s done in his brilliant book The Beautiful Community.

I traveled through Ethiopia, visiting churches. A remarkable transformation in their worship occurred when a Marxist regime expelled foreign missionaries in the ‘70s. Without the influence of westerners, the Ethiopian churches cultivated their own style of worship.

I enjoyed listening to drums and the lilting of women praising God. The women often keep time with the music by stomping their feet and rocking their hands back and forth as though they held precious truths. I felt compelled with joy to join in the lilting during one service. Dark, smiling faces turned toward me. They had never heard a white woman lilt, but they seemed pleased that I did. By embracing their form of worship, I embraced them. With their smiles, they welcomed me.

“In order to be in community, we have to experience belonging, a sense of being at home.” Irwyn L. Ince Jr. The beautiful Community (page 84). My Ethiopian brothers and sisters made me feel at home.

How well do we welcome minorities in our local churches? “It is the church’s job to find ways to affirm the full humanity–the royal dignity–of all people, especially those others are inclined to despise.” (Irwyn L. Ince Jr.). Let’s be mindful to include, rather than ignore, minorities in our midst. We need to be mindful of what Pastor Ince calls “minority fatigue.” Let’s love minorities by extending hospitality; let’s show interest in them by asking about their culture. By reaching out, we set the stage for a beautiful community—a foretaste of Christ’s coming Kingdom.

Learning ConTENTment

contentment, Faith, Maturity, Trials, wonder of creation / By teri / July 12, 2022 June 27, 2022 / camping, covetousness, heaven, missions, repentance

gongga snow mountain, cloud, on foot-2411069.jpg

This isn’t home!

Every follower of Jesus ought to spend at least one night in a tent because tent camping illustrates lessons we too easily forget, like how to be content in all our circumstances.

When Bill and I moved to Iowa after he graduated from seminary, we settled into a daylight basement apartment. I use the term daylight loosely as the only full windows happened to be in the bedrooms, where it’s nice to have darkness. Two narrow window wells allowed little light into our living room. This dwelling challenged my sanctification because I’m a woman who loves living in the light. I’m not too fond of dimly lit rooms. That apartment provoked a complaining spirit in my soul. I was not content until the Lord reminded me of tents.

I enjoyed camping trips as a child, many under a tent. I remember playing card games through rain storms in a tent. The dim flame of a lantern provided just enough light to see the cards and enjoy the smiling faces of my family. The raindrops tapped on the canvas like unseen fingers striking piano keys to serenade us. And when the rain relented, we’d exit our weekend dwelling and return to enjoy God’s great outdoors, refreshed and glistening with His goodness.

That day in my Iowa dungeon (as I often called it), as I was reading my Bible and praying, the Lord reminded me that tents have no windows, and as a follower of Jesus, this world is not my home.

Dear Sisters, every roof we live under while we are on terra firma is a temporary dwelling, a tent. Understanding the apartment in Iowa was just a temporary dwelling helped me choose contentment. Remembering my happy childhood days surrounded by a canvas draped over poles helped improve my attitude as I traded my dungeon perspective for a tent mentality. But oh, how quickly I would forget.

Two years later, after living in a bright, second-story apartment in Madison, Wisconsin, my husband and I bought our first house. I forgot it was only a tent. I painted and wallpapered and spent countless hours perusing catalogs (much like browsing online)—in reality, covetlogs—dreaming of the day I could afford new furniture and the perfect home décor accessories. Soon a burglar broke in and stole my contentment. His name is Covetousness. Have you met him?

shopping, online, e-commerce-4000414.jpg

I had acted like a dim wit trying to turn a tent into a place. I had to confess my sin and be reminded again that I am a pilgrim just passing through. My dream home is Heaven; no store sells furnishings as fine as those in my Father’s house.

I remember Dr. Dobson saying on one of his radio shows that women married for a few years often become discontent with their homes. It’s true. We get bored of the décor, feel finical limits that keep us from the house we really want, and often the messes left by the messy people living in our tent messes with our attitudes. Yet, God expects us to learn contentment no matter what our tent looks like (Philippians 4:11).

After twelve years in Madison, we moved to Oregon and bought our second house. We traded up from three bedrooms to five. The difficult trade-off was losing my huge kitchen in Wisconsin and settling into a tiny galley kitchen in the new house. Apparently, I didn’t settle well. My eighteen-year-old daughter took a summer mission trip to Uganda six years after our move. When she returned, she showed me a picture of a lovely woman named Grace.

“Mom, look at Grace’s kitchen,” it was a simple wood-burning stove in a tiny cement block house. “She cooks for almost a hundred orphans in that kitchen every day. Look at her smile. Mom, please, don’t ever complain about our kitchen again.”

Ouch! Faithful are the wounds of a daughter growing into a loving friend. I needed that tent lesson. I began thanking the Lord for my kitchen, Grace’s example, and a daughter who loved me enough to admonish me when I needed it.

Bill and I now reside in our third tent together. My oldest granddaughter describes it as a palace, but I remind her it’s only a tent. I remind myself and others often it’s all junk until Jesus comes. At sixty-one, I’m still learning new tent lessons. And I promise to share a few more with you as we steep in God’s truth and camp out together (ahh, another joy of camping hot wets in the morning from water boiled over a campfire). Let’s help our hearts learn to be content by humming an old familiar tune (or looking it up on YouTube if it’s new to you),

“This world is not my home. I’m just passing through. My treasures are laid up somewhere beyond the blue. The angels beckon me to Heaven’s open door, and I can’t feel at home in this world anymore!”

An Important Life Lesson from Spring Flowers

Community, Faith, Maturity / By teri / March 22, 2022 February 26, 2022 / church life, gardening, generations, mentoring, teaching

Don’t cut the greens!

As March commences, one of my favorite flowers struggles to break through the cold earth. Soon after the crocuses pop up through the snow, daffodils take their place as the trumpet section in the parade of spring bulbs. I marvel at their bright blast of sunshine. These cheery plants announce God’s kept promise of resurrection life. But all too soon, their blooms wither, leaving behind straggly greens. Now what’s a gardener to do?

The first year daffodils grew in my yard, I made a rookie mistake and cut those leftover leaves. Then an older sister in Christ with far more gardening experience pointed out my folly, “Those leaves fuel the bulb to flower next year. When you cut them off, you rob yourself of future blooms.”

Oops! I learned to leave and appreciate those withering greens. Years later, I see a similar lesson for us as Christian women. Because now, I’m the straggling greenery past the prime of flowering. My blooms have grown. The petals scattered in the wind as my children have long left the stem of a home I provided. Younger sisters, please, don’t cut off the voices of experience. Older women are a gift of God to you. Our years of child-rearing and homemaking, and yes, even gardening, provide nourishment to help you thrive.

Unfortunately, women act a bit too much like bulbs. We gather more often in peer groups than in multi-generational settings. Peers do have their place, but God intends His daughters to live and grow through the process of the older teaching the younger.

“The older women likewise, that they be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things—that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children,to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed.” Titus 2:3-5

Together we face the challenge of reaching out and embracing one another. Too often, we cut one another off through criticism instead of spurring each other on through encouragement (Hebrews 10:24). So, what needs to happen to cultivate a healthy flowerbed in the family of God?

First, it starts with us older women being reverent. Our worship must be more than weekly church attendance. We need to worship daily. Moment by moment, we let God open our eyes to His wonders and praise Him. We must live in the hush of holiness—a contented, consecrated life of obedience. Second, older women must refrain from bad-mouthing others, particularly the young. We need to sing their new songs with our seasoned passion if we desire to impart the grace and knowledge of Jesus in their lives. Third, we value our sobriety and resist the temptation to overmedicate the physical pains of an aging body. When Paul wrote to Titus centuries ago, the painkiller of choice was wine; today, it’s opioids. The epidemic of opioid addiction, even among the young, shocks me! With my achy joints and sleepless nights, I understand the temptation. As God’s mature daughters, we must resist the temptation of inebriation. Then our lives will glorify the God Who renews us even while our bodies go to seed.

“Therefore, we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day.”

2 Corinthians 4:16

Finally, God appoints the responsibility of teaching the younger women to us older sisters. We must be the bridge builders, the initiators. Not in a structured unnatural way, but in a caring communal way, we come alongside and get involved with the generation coming behind us.

Younger sister, Paul’s letter to Pastor Titus also speaks to you. Look for those reverent, sober, discreet women. Spend time with them. Seek their input. Please, don’t cut the greens. God lets older growth tarry for a reason. Absorb the nourishment we bring to His flower bed of saints.

Three Ways to Love in the Fourth-Dimension

Community, Faith, Family Life, Knowing God, Maturity, prayer / By teri / February 8, 2022 December 14, 2021 / Love

For God so Loved!

Sparkling, paper hearts sprang up as I opened a Valentine. Pop-up cards delight me. I love to shop for them, make them, and send them to my friends and family. These whimsical treasures express a three-D love in a material world. Yet, pop-ups hint at the kind of love the apostle Paul describes in Ephesians, “that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height— to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge.” (Ephesians 3:17b-19a). Four dimensions! The cover of a pop-up card hides a central aspect of the message. Today I want to open up a hidden face of love—the unseen work it does for others.

The Bible opens our understanding of the unseen ways Jesus loves us right now, today. Here are three demonstrations of Christ loving us in the fourth dimension.

Offensively

In the book of Romans chapter eight, Paul explains that Christ sits at the right hand of God and intercedes for us. Jesus prays for us! He sees our hearts, our struggles, the ways Satan tries to block our goal of Christ-likeness. Then He lifts His hands to the Father, showing His the scars that ensure our victory.

So, what does our prayer life reveal about our love? Do we intercede for others? Are we mindful of their struggles, circumstances, and needs? I fear too often our prayers tend to be selfish, focused on what affects us. How often do we pray for the homeless we pass on the streets or our brothers and sisters who face severe persecution for their faith? Do we pray for our enemies? The Lord expects us to (Matthew 5:44)

Defensively

The book of Job provides a peek into the battle going on around us, exposing Satan’s ugly heart as he maligns both God’s and Job’s character (Job 1:9-11). To this day, the vile, jealous creature constantly accuses God’s saints (Revelation 12:10; “day and night,” according to this passage. But God (two of my favorite words in the Bible) preserves His saints. He defends our righteous standing before Him. The dignity He bestowed on us by grace can never be defamed. The world slings mud at us in vain.

If God so loves us when we aren’t looking, how well do we love one another? My favorite line from the song They Will Know We Are Christians by Our Love” states, “We will guard each one’s dignity and save each one’s pride.” Do we? Or do we have dirty hands from belittling others behind their backs?

Immensely

In the first scene of Job, we also hear God brag about His “servant Job.” Did you know God brags about His children.? What good parent doesn’t? The apostle John sums it up well, “I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth.” 3 John 1:14. If it makes John happy, how much greater must our Abba’s joy be.

Do we brag about the good things other people do? I tend to brag about my accomplishments. I bait the hook, fishing for praise. I’m working on practicing the wisdom of, “Let another man praise you, and not your own mouth, “ Proverbs 27:2. Next time we’re tempted to show off, let’s secretly love another and talk about the beauty they bring to the world.

The most significant love test is anonymity; how do I love when no one looks? Yet, if we only love by unseen methods, we love one-dimensionally—flatter than flat. All dimensions need to be present, our words, our actions, our presence, along with our anonymous contributions to the wellbeing of others. All four-dimension complete a perfect love.

I want to celebrate this Valentine’s Day, not just in tangible ways, but by committing to loving others offensively, defensively, and immensely behind their backs. Will you join me in displaying the fourth dimension of God’s great love for us?

Gaining a Grand Perspective: Three Questions I’m learning to ask myself

Faith, Family Life, grandparenting, Maturity, Motherhood, Trials / By teri / July 13, 2021 July 29, 2021 / death, expectations, gratitude, Premature birth, time management

Me and My Mini-Me

On Wednesday, July 13, 2011 (ten years ago today), a wee little girl came into the world thirteen weeks too soon. My first grandbaby nudged the scale needle to one pound fifteen ounces. She measured an inch taller than a Barbie doll—a mere13inches.

Agonizing suspense filled the months following her birth as she struggled to survive. The fragility and resilience of life amaze me even more now than then.

Today my first grandchild celebrates her birthday ten years later—strong, healthy, and average in size. You’d never know she started so small. She now enjoys the company of three siblings, and another baby should arrive in November—bringing the total number of children in that household to five.

So far, of my four grown children, only the oldest has kids. But that changes this year; her younger sister expects her first in December. Now, soon to be a grandmother of six with ten years of grandparenting under my belt, I reflect on how this decade shaped my perspectives.

Gaining Insight to Unfading Beauty

The news of my daughter expecting provoked me to reflect on my first memories of my grandmothers. As a child, I thought these women looked old (both were only forty-five when I came into the world). I realized for the first time that another person would see me as an older woman. My grandchildren would only know me with smile lines and silver strands running through my mane.

Only one of my grandmother’s lived long enough to see her great-great-grandchild’s entrance into the world. At the age of three, my granddaughter attended my grandmother’s 100^th birthday. I remembered my impressions of my great-grandmothers. They looked ancient. But even though my grandma was now great twice—she looked grand to me.

From my perspective, Grandma appeared more joyful, more loving, more delighted in life than she’d ever been. Yes, she had more wrinkles, and her salt and pepper hair now sparkled like fresh snow. Yet, her love for people and life transformed my understanding of old. Time forges a timeless beauty in those who choose to love and live well to the end.

“Do not let your adornment be merely outward—arranging the hair, wearing gold, or putting on fine apparel— rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God.” 1 Peter 3:3-4

Which mirror do I spend the most time in, the Bible or the bathroom?

Grasping the Elusiveness of Time

Do you remember turning ten? I remember the wonder of seeing that second digit when I wrote my age. I sensed new liberty—the freedom of being a big kid. I also remember each of my children turning ten.

When my first child turned ten, it felt like a milestone in mothering. When my last child turned ten, it struck me that an era just ended. No longer would babies and preschoolers populate my home (unless the Lord intervened and He did not).

Now my granddaughter joins the double-digit club; I realize decades feel more like days at this point in my life. My promotion from grandma to great-grandma (should the good Lord grant me that privilege) may be as close as a decade away.

When a baby turns one, a year equals one hundred percent of their life. At age ten, twelve months represent ten percent of that life span. When a person reaches sixty (as I have), a year diminishes to less than two percent of your life. Time grows shorter as we grow grand.

In this past decade, both a friend and I had heart attacks. He was four years my junior. Yet, he died. I survived. God determines the number of our days, and no one but God knows how many we will have. Let’s utilize the present well and learn to embrace the time God grants as a gift.

“So, teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.” Moses, Psalm 90:12

What’s happening right now, and how can I maximize this very moment?

Taking Nothing For Granted

Before my nest emptied, I took my children’s active presence for granted; after all, we lived together. Often in that busy window of my life, I felt overwhelmed. I just wanted a little me space. Now I have lots. My strong fledglings flew far.

Today they’re scattered from sea to shining sea; one lives close to the Atlantic, another on the Gulf of Mexico, daughter number three in the Pacific Northwest, then Uncle Sam took my one and only son to Gaum. Gathering this far-flung clan takes an act of Providence. Even our best attempts to plan fail at times, like Christmas 2020 when covid prevented our reunion.

My children enjoy visiting with us and each other, and we with them. My daughter and her husband go out of their way to make sure their kids develop a relationship with us. I no longer take their company for granted. It’s a precious, precarious blessing I enjoy.

I’ve lived long enough to know not every family enjoys such relationships. I know casualties of family feuds. I’ve shed tears with women estranged from their offspring, forbidden time with their grandchildren. These women loved God. They loved their families. What happened? Only the Almighty knows.

I’ve seen parents outlive children. We live in a broken world. At my age, I see expectations often result in disappointment. However, flexpectaions free me to enjoy what God grants—even when it’s not what I’d hoped for—like a covid Christmas.

“Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

What is my response when life doesn’t go as I planned?

Becuase, it often doesn’t.

Young mamas, savor these busy days. Moments evaporate into memories faster than most women forget labor pains.

The Empty Nest, A New Adolescence

Faith, Family Life, Maturity, Motherhood / By teri / June 29, 2021 August 9, 2021 / empty-nest, goals, graduation

Let the WONDER YEARS begin!

Attention moms of all ages: fledglings fly away. God designed it that way. The first high schooler to graduate in a family takes a mama by surprise. Any empty-nest mom can attest to the reality that her children grew and flew in the blink of an eye.

It seems we finish getting our offspring through their teenage years, and we find ourselves in quiet houses with empty bedrooms. Then we discover a strange irony, on the heels of their adolescence, we find ourselves in the second season of adjustments that feels eerily familiar.

Adolescence is fraught with as much anxiety. I have yet to meet an adult who wants to relive that period of life. Yet, middle-age is much like a second adolescence—a time grown-ups must, again, grow up. My twenties felt like the infancy of adulthood. Then the thirties and forties passed like the golden years of childhood—a delightful busy season. However, once your hit fifty or sixty, parenting demands slow way down, and the physical changes of menopause assault our bodies.

Winkles replace pimples. The wiry, silver strands of hair bring back bad hair day memories from junior high. Now we have a new mane to tame. In our first puberty, we experienced the new sensations of sexual maturity. But in menopause, many women struggle with enjoying sex at all. The friction of intercourse inflicts discomfort on drying vaginal tissue, growing pains, not of a maturing body, but of a deteriorating body.

Then, as if the physical challenges aren’t enough, there’s the uncertainty of what do we do now that kids aren’t consuming all our [tg1] time? Believe it or not, this is the upside of adolescence—the wonder years as an 80’s television show describes it (this series followed three friends through junior high into high school). During pubescence, children, on the verge of adulthood, brim with potential. They dream great dreams. Every aspect of personal responsibility and independence appears like the promised land of freedom. Every new sensation thrills their maturing bodies and awaking sensuality. Every emotion intensifies—just like in menopause.

So, what’s a woman to do in this second season of wonder years? Dream again. Many people achieve their most significant accomplishments in their last years. That gives me hope. I can do more, be better, and accomplish good things. As long as I’m living, God has a plan for me—good works to do. As long as I abide in the Vine, I can be productive, fruitful. So, let the wonder years commence.

The greatest wonder of all—the upside of adolescence—it ends with a new maturity. I need that perspective. When I finish growing up this time, I’ll be complete. God will be finished with me, and I’ll never have to go or grow through adolescence again.

“So teach us to number our days, That we may gain a heart of wisdom.” Psalm 90:12

If you’re a young woman, what dreams do you have for the end of your life (dream big)?

If you’re my age and find yourself struggling through your second adolescence, what good work does God want you to be pursuing?

If you’re in an earlier stage of life, start jotting down ideas of things you could accomplish if you had more free time because the time is coming. Blessed is the woman who lives her life in phases and enjoys each one.