False Perceptions Reveal Our Need for Grace

I sat with the mourners as we listened to epitaphs from the departed woman’s children and grandchildren. I’ll call her Agnes. They weren’t describing the woman I thought I knew, but the speakers had known Agnes their whole lives. I had only caught a glimpse of her in her last decade.

When Agnes and I visited before and after church services, her tone was pleasant and polite. On one encounter in the church foyer, she complained about new worship songs and lamented that we didn’t sing more hymns. Our church sings plenty of old hymns—as well as new songs. I gently reminded her that Scripture encourages us to sing new songs. Then I asked Agnes if she enjoyed having her teenage grandsons worship every Sunday with her. She did. “Do you suppose they enjoy the new music?” I asked, hoping to encourage her to see the value of our blended worship music. She acknowledged her grandsons did enjoy the new songs.

I don’t know if my comments helped. I do know Agnes never complained to me again. That conversation tainted my perception of this dear sister. I perceived her as out of touch and frustrated with changing times. Sometimes, I noticed Agnes’ confusion and heard on good authority she had dementia. During the ten years of our acquaintance, her mind was physically deteriorating.

I accessed this woman’s character during the most brutal years of her life. I saw Agnes at her worst and wrongly assumed things that were not true of her. I wonder if others have done the same to me.

This summer, I attended a writers’ conference and battled insomnia the whole time. By day three of a four-day event, I was running on a meager total of six hours of sleep. My already defective social filter broke down. I said hurtful things and rubbed people the wrong way. I confessed sin to those I knew I had injured, but I wonder how many will ever give me a second chance.

These two experiences remind me that I owe people the grace that I desire from them. I don’t want character assessments on my worst day. When someone ruffles me, I need to learn to assume the best about them; that’s the Apostal Paul’s admonition to us in 1 Corinthians 13:4 – 7.

“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” (italics mine)

When I am inflexible on my first and even second opinions of others, when I deem them unpleasant and refuse to give them other chances to change my mind, I am judging. And even if someone constantly rubs us the wrong way, we still owe them love and grace.

“Owe no one anything, except to love each other, for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law.” Roman’s 13:8

I’m so glad I attended that funeral. God corrected my opinion of Agnes. He reminded me how much we all need grace. If Jesus loves the whole world, shouldn’t that be our aim too?

Let’s learn to extend to everyone the grace we desperately need on our worst days and even our best.