A Mama’s Empty Arms: When Mother’s Day Hurts

Family Life, Motherhood / By / July 29, 2021 / , , ,

Hot tears streamed down my cheeks. I pleaded as I sat on my toilet, “Please, please, God, let me keep this one. I can’t bear to lose this baby too!” (Nine months before, my first child was stillborn).

angel, tomb, cemetery

His Spirit whispered, “My grace is sufficient.”

In rebellion, I yelled, “I don’t want your grace! I want a baby!”

Thirty years later, I watched in horror as my daughter came close to bleeding to death during a miscarriage. I knew her pain but compounding that was the threat of losing yet another child of my own.

On Mother’s Day, my heart goes out to all the moms who bear the weight of empty arms. For women who long for a child—no burden compares to this heaviness. I think of my young friend who wears a bracelet of birthstone charms signifying the miscarriages of her upheld babies. I weep with a sister in Christ who buried her ten-year–old after losing the fight with a long illness. Two older friends come to mind as they grieve for their sons, lost to suicide. Finally, I consider so many women who desire children but are unable to conceive. Yes, you too belong to the Mamas with Empty Arms Club.

It’s not a group we joined on purpose. Yet, for reasons unknown to us, God allows us admission. And despite the horrible circumstances, we find ourselves in good company. Hannah, an ancient Hebrew woman, felt this weight. “the Lord had closed her womb.” 1 Samuel 1:5. Rachel screamed in desperation to her husband, “Give me children, or else I die!”

Jacob responded, “Am I in the place of God, who has withheld from you the fruit of the womb?” Genesis 30:1-2. The Bible confronts us with the harsh reality that God opens and closes our wombs. Scripture defines Him as the Lord of life. During her grief, a woman can wonder, ”Does God even care?”

He does. “He grants the barren woman a home, Like a joyful mother of children. Praise the Lord!” If a deep maternal instinct drives you, God will provide some for you to love and nurture. If you grieve the loss of a child, your heavenly Father knows your pain. He watched His son die too.

Hannah and many other women in Scripture remind us, even in our bareness, God loves us. He counts us worthy of His care and companionship. Despite my screams at His gentle reminder—when I rejected His grace—God never abandoned me. He tenderly led me back to His presence, to worship.

We need to remember Hannah’s example of dealing with her empty arms. She threw herself boldly at God’s mercy seat to find help in her time of need. Unfortunately, others misunderstood her—but not God. I encourage you to read her story in 1Samuel, chapter one.

Hannah reminds us our children belong to the Lord, not us. Therefore, we must offer up our empty arms for His glory and trust Him to be our comforter. And we must remember our tears so that we can weep with those who mourn, as I grieve with you today (2 Corinthians 1:4; Romans 12:15b). May the Lord hold you close when Mother’s Day hurts.

Need Encouragement? God Gave Us Cheerleaders

celebrations, Community, Faith / By / August 18, 2021 / , , , , ,

New Life!

Dark thunderclouds roll over the hill beyond my house. Soon the rain will burst, and lightning crash. The threat of severe weather brings with it a promise of new life. The shower waters my yard. Soon Irises will blossom, joining the daffodils and tulips that popped up last month. This season reminds us of resurrection power. Listen to the voice of Jesus thunder as He calls Lazarus from the grave.

“I am the resurrection,” he told those gathered at that funeral.

Another cloud gathers in the highest Heaven. It too thunders—but it’s full of light, not darkness.

“Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us,” Hebrews 12:1

The drops of refreshment that form that cloud will never touch this old earth again. Their testimonies surround us with cheers as they wait for our reunion in the new Heavens and earth.

“I’m here—and you will be too,” cries my dear friend, Judy. She loved me to Jesus forty years ago.

“He is indeed the resurrection,” shouts my pastor, Loyd.

“It’s beautiful beyond words,” Chloris, another mentor of mine, proclaims. Herb, her husband, chimes in, “You can do it! Keep running with Jesus.”

The cheers of resurrected saints who finished the race fill the air. Saints who no longer look through a glass dimly—they behold the Father face to face. These dear brothers and sisters who died in Christ now live in a perfect, loving home. It’s okay to miss them and weep over their absence. But don’t let grief rob you of their encouragement.

A dear friend of mine lost her husband to cancer several years ago. She recently posted a tribute to him on Facebook with a picture of his favorite peony, a bush they had planted together in their yard. For those who don’t know much about plants, peonies grow from tubers, like irises. But instead of a single perennial bloom, peonies grow into a large shrub that looks a lot like a rose bush from a distance. Unlike a rose bush, peonies die back to nothing in the fall. The place they bloomed lies abandoned through the winter.

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Then come spring—peonies rise from their winter grave in resurrection glory—what a perfect reminder of my friend’s husband. She rests her heart in knowing he still cheers her on; he’s waiting for her to finish her race well.

“ Therefore, we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day.For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory,while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal.” 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

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When the heaviness of this life oppresses your soul, look up. Listen. Those who’ve gone before stand at the finish line, calling us on to join them in Heavenly places. Let the new sparkle of leaves and bursting blossoms remind you of the reality of our hope. Open your spiritual ears to the cheers of those who beat you to the finish line; let resurrection power energize your pursuit of the prize.

Father, we praise you for springs reminder. We praise you for raising Jesus from the dead and promising us resurrection power. Thank you for our many mentors and friends who beat us to Heaven. Please, open our ears to their encouragement and our eyes to the glory to come. ~Amen

Waiting . . . 3 Sustaining Practices for the In-Between Times

Faith, Trials / By / July 29, 2021 / , , ,

Oh Lord, how long?

We struggle with anticipation: enduring school because we want a diploma, longing to get married, staying in a lousy job until a better one comes, expecting a career to take off, anticipating children and grandchildren. These times test our patience and perseverance.

What do you long for God to do? I bet you’ve grown weary with masks and staying at home. Amid my wait for the coronavirus to go away, I did a little history research on the Spanish Flu of 1918. I felt like I was reading today’s headlines; a hundred years ago, the arguments over masks or no masks raged. Here’s the encouragement from history: the pandemic ended. All trials do, but that doesn’t make testing easier. I once believed waiting never gets easy—that it’s the most challenging part of the Christian life—until I discovered three principles that encourage me to abide well.

  • Rest 

“Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; fret not yourself over the one who prospers in his way, over the man who carries out evil devices!

Refrain from anger, and forsake wrath! Fret not yourself; it tends only to evil.”

Psalm 37:7-8 esv

 The Lord encourages us not only to anticipate Him but to rest in Him. Even when we see no evidence that God is at work—He is. When we see others enjoying whatever we’re longing for, we get frustrated, even envious. This natural, albeit sinful, tendency hurts us.  God wants us to experience peace—not anxiety. God gives good things to His children at the perfect time. If we don’t have it yet, it’s because God knows we aren’t ready. Until we believe God is enough, nothing else will satisfy us.

  • Renew

“Have you not known? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength.Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.” Isaiah 40:28-31esv

How often do we exhaust ourselves striving for what we desire? Sometimes we even let lesser things satisfy our longing—like the Christian woman who longs for a husband, compromises, and marries an unbeliever. Eagles aren’t hummingbirds; they do not flurry in haste to hover over simple sugar. Their strength depends on the protein of the meat. Eagles hunt from high in the sky. They must soar; to do that, Eagles seek a power greater than their own—the wind. Eagles let the greater power of air currents carry them higher than they could rise on their strength.

We need to renew our minds to the reality that we have limits. We must learn to rely on the Holy Spirit to be the wind beneath our wings. We need humility to embrace our limitations and trust God’s unlimited power to accomplish His will. Often our willingness to compromise leads us into sin. We forfeit the abundance God intends for us to enjoy later. God calls us to good works. He devises lofty dreams and fills hearts with good desires. He calls us to tasks we cannot do on our own, not for our glory, but because He is glorious. In our waiting, let’s renew our strength. Don’t settle for satan’s sweet lies. Feed on Biblical meat. Keep His word. Renew your resolve to mount up and search for God’s best.

  • Watch

“For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven: . . .He has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, he has put eternity into man’s heart, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end.” Ecclesiastes 3:1, 11 esv

Ticking clocks remind us of deadlines that seem impossible; we fret about the lack of progress. Struggling to unlock the front door robs us of seeing God sliding the patio door open behind us. We want our way more than we want God’s direction. Driven by the desire to make something happen, we miss God’s provision and make a mess of things. However, if we faithfully watch for His hand and follow His plan, things unfold with eternal beauty.

According to Scripture, God, who created time, calls us to look beyond our days and remember the bigger picture; His timing is perfect. He remains outside of time unaltered by its passing. In the wait, get your eyes off the clock and watch the eternal present. What good can I do today to prepare for the Day—the Day of His coming? The practice of being present keeps our eyes off the whens and what-ifs of life. Watching what God does today equips us to walk with Him tomorrow. If we remember He’s coming again, then He will find us watching and abiding when the ultimate expectation arrives.  

“Behold, I am coming soon,

bringing my recompense with me, to repay each one for what he has done.”

Revelation 22:12 esv

Even so, come, Lord Jesus, come!

VarieTea

Community, Faith, Knowing God / By / August 12, 2021 / , , , ,

Welcome to Tea Time!

Tea Time is a quarterly (February, May, August, and November) reflection on various qualties.

Va*ri*e*tea  \və-ˈrī-ə-tē\ n–  The quality of including many different variations best appreciated with a tall glass of iced of spiced chai.

I collect collections. You see, Uncle Sam (via the Navy) took my dad all over the world; he sent me gifts from across the globe; dolls, glass animals, and vases. These made up my first collections

Then as a preteen, I added candles and piggy banks (many were not pigs) to the mix.  Frogs, fairies, teapots, and tea strainers have joined my collections in adulthood. Endless variations on a theme intrigue me.

Our creator designed us to appreciate these variations of design. Imagine if every food tasted the same or only one type of flower in a single hue. What if all leaves and grass melted together in Crayola green? Or worse yet, what if we only saw in black and white? How dull!

God delights in variety as well. Consider how many colors appeared when He said, “Let there be light.” With each creative word God spoke, a plethora of different plants and creatures emerged. Then He made man in His image; male and female, alike but varied. No two human beings are the same. Like snowflakes, we possess a uniqueness all our own. The Lord is a God of endless variety.

We embrace His variety by reaching out to people different from ourselves. When we learn about their lives, their cultures—not judging or seeing our way of life as the best, or our skin pigmentation as superior—then we grow together. We bond as humanity. When we view each person, no matter how different they are from us, as made in the image of God, a small glimpse of the Divine-we learn more about who God is. Each individual, like a single facet of a diamond, adds sparkle to God’s infinite image.

From people of every tribe, tongue, and nation, God builds His everlasting Kingdom. Taste and see the Lord is good, like sweet, spiced chia from Asia, with cream like the Brits add, and iced because that’s how Americans like it on a hot day. And while you’re at it, invite a foreign exchange student or the refugee next door to join you.

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Happy Valentine’s Day!

This Valentine’s Day, let’s share the love of Jesus with a variety of neighbors, but since it’s winter, you may want to serve that chai hot.

Confession of a Slacker

Faith, Maturity / By / July 29, 2021 / ,

Instant Pudding Dissatisfaction

“I’m tired of playing house.” I lamented to a friend of mine, back when I was raising toddlers, “That’s the problem, Teri, you’re playing at it.” Unfortunately, my insightful friend was right.

I have an aversion to hard work. I’d rather eat pudding. Mmm, instant chocolate pudding, can you taste it? Maybe you’re like my mom; you prefer the homemade cooked kind. Not me. I love this creamy, dreamy delight that only takes a couple of minutes to whip up.

Instant pudding reinforced my depraved desire for instant gratification; I want everything now—including well-developed skills. Too bad skill doesn’t happen that way. As a result, I’m mediocre at lots of things but master of none.

A well-written phrase, a realistic painting (skills I long for) result from hard work—consistent practice.

“Do you see a man who excels in his work? He will stand before kings; He will not stand before unknown men.” Proverbs  22:29

This proverb reminds us we need to work diligently at the jobs God dishes up for us to do. After all, we are His workmanship, and He made us to accomplish good works (Ephesians 2:10) for His glory.

“Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.”

1 Corinthians 10:31

 Let’s work hard and bring glory to God with the natural ability He bestowed on us. Then, when we stand before our King, Jesus, we’ll enjoy his praise of faithful stewardship.

In what skill do you desire excellence? Is it important enough to you that you’re willing to work at it, or are you suffering from instant pudding dissatisfaction?

Learning to Pass the Tests of Life: New Perspective for a New Year

Faith, Trials / By / July 29, 2021 / , ,

(trail + trials2) trails ÷ faith = ?

Do you remember the joy of finding a bright red “A” at the top of your papers in school? I do because I didn’t earn many. However, I did pretty well at math. Covid-19 + 2020 =World wide pandemic. Correct! New Year 2021 = Covid 19 done. Right? Wrong! So, what is God trying to impress upon His children through this trial?

Patience,

“My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience.” James 1:2-3

Did you notice all the extra trials that came from one illness? I bet you experienced lots of challenges during the pandemic. On top of the coronavirus, we experienced political and civil unrest. American cities lie in apocalyptic ruin due to protestors releasing pent-up rage. 2020 provides a great example of why James used the plural version of the word trial. Trials always come in bunches. He also inserted that pesky word “various,” not only many but also many different kinds of difficulties. How can all these troubles produce patience?

When it comes to patience, this specific fruit of the Spirit, the final exam boils down to getting this one equation right: (trail + trials2) trails ÷ faith = patience. Does the testing of your faith through trying circumstances produce patience? Yes or no: pass or fail. Most Christians pray for patience and soon learn God answers with us with problems. Been there. Done that. God’s “opportunities” for us to grow often stretch what little patience we have. And it’s easy to question His goodness. However, God is good all the time, even during a pandemic.

Therefore, if a better method of teaching patience existed, He’d use it. But alas, longsuffering comes from suffering—a long time. Multiple times.

Understanding God’s formula is one thing; passing the tests is something entirely different. If we refuse to develop patience, one of her ugly cousins gladly takes her place; depression, anger, anxiety, bitterness, clamor—and the most hideous of all, pride (which, by the way, invites all the others).

The opposite of patience is impatience. Right?  Not according to the wisest man who ever lived. Solomon wrote, inspired by the Holy Spirit, “The end of a thing is better than its beginning; The patient in spirit is better than the proud in spirit” (Ecclesiastes 7:8). I’ve read the book of Ecclesiastes multiple times in my walk with Jesus; this passage convicts me like no other verse in that book. When I reject God’s education, it reveals I’m a pompous fool, an arrogant idiot. And I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one. When faced with difficulty, if all I crave is a way out (instant results) rather than the Way through (Trust Jesus, with joy), I want my way, not God’s.

I appreciate Jen Wilken’s perspective on longsuffering. “If we can’t be patient longer than five seconds for a website to load, we are not likely to weather a lengthy trial . . .We may overlook the possibility that the waiting itself could be the good and perfect gift, delivered right to our doorstep.” Patience requires humility. I must bow before the Almighty and wait on Him. After all, I prayed for patience, right. As 2021 commences, let’s learn to pass the test with the joy of knowing God works to make us better—more patient.

How have the trials of 2020 developed patience in you?