September 2022

When Burdens are Too Much to Bear

Faith / By / July 2, 2022

It hurts!

My face ached. It felt crushed under my heavy spirit. War, death, illness, and more death crammed the margins of my prayer journal. People I cared about, people I loved were suffering. Scattered out of my reach across the globe, the only way I could serve them was through prayer. Praying without ceasing, empathizing with their pain, and wrestling with God to somehow lift them out had left me buried under their burdens. I wept.

I unloaded all my burdens in a Facebook post. Notifications started rolling in. At this point, I still felt the weight, but I also felt thankful that others were praying with me for those I loved and for my spirit to be lifted.

Then I heard His Spirit prompting me to make a trade.

“To console those who mourn in Zion, To give them beauty for ashes,
The oil of joy for mourning, The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness.” Isaiah 61:3

I looked up Isaiah 61 and meditated there as a notification from Messenger came up on my phone; a sweet sister had sent me this same verse.

God calls us to bear one another’s burdens (Galatians 6:2). And many bore mine that day. Many commented they, too, felt spiritual oppression. I began praying for them also. The Prince of the Power of the Air was busy. Our battles were fierce. “For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.” (Ephesians 6:12)

Was I wrestling satan? God? Both? Was I wresting with God against the devil, or had I taken God on like Jacob refusing to let go until God blessed me? I think I did the latter, and that’s why I ached.

My heart and stomach craved comfort. I bought a loaf of fresh French bread to find relief. I gobbled down two thick slices slathered with butter so thick I left teeth marks in it. Yes, I sought the comfort of comfort food. It tasted marvelous. Was it God’s provision for my needs? I needed to taste and see the Lord was good in this time when He seemed so absent. Was it idolatry? Maybe. A day or two later, I confessed it as such.

Wrestling with God and demanding a blessing He’s already promised has consequences. Yes, Jacob prevailed, but he limped for the rest of his life. Maybe God wanted Him to slow down and remember His promises.

The physical pain I felt slowed me down that day. I was demanding God to fulfill His promises now. I wanted miracles! The only time such imploring succeeds is when we’re working on God’s timetable, like when Danial prayed for God to restore Israel after seventy years in exile. Daniel read Jeremiah’s prophecy and asked God to keep His promise. We can and should pray according to God’s Word, but if He hasn’t established the timing, we pray presumptuously to demand Him to do anything“now.”

As El Olim (the Everlasting God), He has all of time to complete His work and keep His word. As Adonai, He alone is Lord. Who am I to dictate to the great I AM when He should do anything? No wonder I hurt. By wrestling the All-Mighty for miraculous responses, I wore myself out. I took a nap, wondering why these trials felt so heavy when these bad things were not happening to my kids or me.

As I lay exhausted in bed, my face still throbbing, I thought of Jesus calling out to those who would follow Him, “Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28-30). So, why did it feel so hard? 

Jesus doesn’t want us buried and paralyzed with pain. He wants to bear the weight (the heavy side of that training yoke in Matthew 11); the responsibility to save, heal, and bring peace is His, not ours. I begged for miracles when I needed to pace myself with prayer and waiting—trusting His will, not demanding mine—trusting Him as their Savior instead of trying to fill shoes far too big for me.

I confessed my entitlement attitude—my desire for miracles more than God’s will.

I laid down in bed that night as I had many before, praying for those going through fiery trials, but I no longer wrestled to twist God’s arm for my desired results. I felt peace, not pain. My spirit of heaviness lifted as He covered me and tucked me in with His garment of praise to trust Him with the outcomes.

Choose to Smile at Your Future

Faith, Maturity / By / July 6, 2022 / , , ,

In Honor of my grandma, Irène Kay

b. September 7, 1914 – d. April 11, 2015

I remember standing naked in front of my full-length mirror about six months after my second child was born. The reflection of a saggy, baggy abdomen startled me. It’s not how I remembered my figure looking. A decade or so later, the reflection staring back at me would rattle me again but not with stretch marks. This time I noticed a road map had started to form on my face, lines indicating the most common expressions I made. I want to say these revelations of aging don’t bother me anymore, but that’s not entirely true.

While I’m far more comfortable in my skin than ever before, it still surprises me to witness my future self overshadowing my past visage. I’m sure you can relate to some extent because I’ve heard even eighteen-year-olds remark, “I’m getting old!”  We’re acutely aware that the future invades our present all too quickly.

The future evokes many different emotions for different people. Some may feel apprehensive, even fearful, at the mystery of what’s to come. They cling to the past and fight the effects of aging. Others look forward to new seasons of opportunity and choose to make peace with the older stranger staring back at them from the mirror. This latter choice is the one wise women make. Our ultimate future should inform our present circumstances. “Strength and dignity are her clothing, And she smiles at the future” (Proverbs 31:25).

My grandma, Irène, displayed this strength and dignity. At ninety-nine years old, her rectum collapsed. For a younger person, simple surgery could correct this body failure, but surgery was not an option for my grandmother because of her weak heart. Her response to this humiliating consequence of aging was, “Ces’t la via!” Life in a fallen world will ravage our health over time. When it does, will we choose to smile? Irène did.

For those of us who God gives long life, we should not be surprised that our futures include trial, pain, and loss. Scripture makes this very clear. How will we walk through those wildernesses? Will we smile and trust God for a good ending or complain like the children of Israel? Choosing contentment and joy don’t come naturally. Positive attitudes take life-long cultivation. It takes determination to look beyond our circumstances and trust the Lord to use trials for our good.

 “Cease from anger, and forsake wrath; Do not fret—it only causes harm” (Psalm 37:8). This is my go-to verse when I feel my knickers in a knot. I don’t want to be an angry, fretful woman. At sixty-one, I’m already feeling a loss of strength and vitality, but I cling to this reality: “Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day” (2 Corinthians 4:16).

My friend Betty and I share the same birthday, although she’s a few years older than me. When I told her happy birthday, she said, “I quit celebrating those.”

“Why?!” I asked. “Every year is another year closer to going home to Heaven, another year closer to being with the Lord forever, another year closer to having every tear wiped away! Birthdays are always worth celebrating.”

“Well, when you put it like that, you’re right. Let the party begin!”

I’ve been to four 100th birthday parties and watched many news clips of individuals celebrating their centenarian birthday. No one partied as hearty as my grandma Irène did at her party. She had a live band and danced in her walker. She grinned as the band ended with her favorite song, Good Night, Irène.

God granted me the privilege of knowing many women in their eighties and nineties. I watched as some grumbled through their last years; others flourished and made the most of the time they had left, like Irène. They enjoyed frequent visits from friends and family, continued attending and serving in church, and found ways to use their time well. They finished life grand. I want to finish the way these women did. So, I choose my habits and responses to difficulties with care. This is how they grew grand, and I want to grow grand, too. Do you?

Let’s choose to keep smiling at our futures. When life throws eggs at us, let’s bake a soufflé and say, “Ces’t la via!”

It’s hard to find women in their eighties and nineties that will serve as role models and mentors. So, God put it on my heart to share the treasury of older women He’s put in my life. My book, Choose Now to Grow Grand, Not Old, will be released in October 2022. In this book, I share the characteristics I’ve observed that make these women grand and the choices they made to finish life well. It will be available for pre-order soon. Please check it out by clicking the link below.