June 2021

The Empty Nest, A New Adolescence

Faith, Family Life, Maturity, Motherhood / By / August 9, 2021 / , ,

Let the WONDER YEARS begin!

Attention moms of all ages: fledglings fly away. God designed it that way. The first high schooler to graduate in a family takes a mama by surprise. Any empty-nest mom can attest to the reality that her children grew and flew in the blink of an eye.

It seems we finish getting our offspring through their teenage years, and we find ourselves in quiet houses with empty bedrooms. Then we discover a strange irony, on the heels of their adolescence, we find ourselves in the second season of adjustments that feels eerily familiar.

Adolescence is fraught with as much anxiety. I have yet to meet an adult who wants to relive that period of life. Yet, middle-age is much like a second adolescence—a time grown-ups must, again, grow up. My twenties felt like the infancy of adulthood. Then the thirties and forties passed like the golden years of childhood—a delightful busy season. However, once your hit fifty or sixty, parenting demands slow way down, and the physical changes of menopause assault our bodies.

Winkles replace pimples. The wiry, silver strands of hair bring back bad hair day memories from junior high. Now we have a new mane to tame. In our first puberty, we experienced the new sensations of sexual maturity. But in menopause, many women struggle with enjoying sex at all. The friction of intercourse inflicts discomfort on drying vaginal tissue, growing pains, not of a maturing body, but of a deteriorating body.

Then, as if the physical challenges aren’t enough, there’s the uncertainty of what do we do now that kids aren’t consuming all our[tg1]  time? Believe it or not, this is the upside of adolescence—the wonder years as an 80’s television show describes it (this series followed three friends through junior high into high school). During pubescence, children, on the verge of adulthood, brim with potential. They dream great dreams. Every aspect of personal responsibility and independence appears like the promised land of freedom. Every new sensation thrills their maturing bodies and awaking sensuality. Every emotion intensifies—just like in menopause.

So, what’s a woman to do in this second season of wonder years? Dream again. Many people achieve their most significant accomplishments in their last years. That gives me hope. I can do more, be better, and accomplish good things. As long as I’m living, God has a plan for me—good works to do. As long as I abide in the Vine, I can be productive, fruitful. So, let the wonder years commence.

The greatest wonder of all—the upside of adolescence—it ends with a new maturity. I need that perspective. When I finish growing up this time, I’ll be complete. God will be finished with me, and I’ll never have to go or grow through adolescence again.

“So teach us to number our days, That we may gain a heart of wisdom.” Psalm 90:12

If you’re a young woman, what dreams do you have for the end of your life (dream big)?

If you’re my age and find yourself struggling through your second adolescence, what good work does God want you to be pursuing?

If you’re in an earlier stage of life, start jotting down ideas of things you could accomplish if you had more free time because the time is coming. Blessed is the woman who lives her life in phases and enjoys each one.

Father Knows Best: Two Things That God knows that I cannot

Faith, Knowing God / By / August 18, 2021 / , ,

Feeling Happy! We like that feeling. The satisfaction of a happy ending held my interest for thirty minutes every day after school as I watched reruns of Father Knows Best. In this outdated, black and white, slow-to-no-action, family drama, the dad always knew what his kids should do. If only life was that painless.

With the goals of health, prosperity, and happiness for their children, many parents insulate their offspring from painful circumstances. But the Heavenly Father allows pain for our good.

The Bible confronts me with the reality that my lifespan looks like a thirty-minute, black and white TV show compared to eternity—a full color, High Definition, endless satellite buffet of programming. However, the Bible also tells me I do have a Father who knows best. I need to learn to trust Him even when things aren’t working out the way I want, even when life hurts.  My Heavenly Father places a higher priority on teaching me about His joy than me feeling happy all the time.

In John chapter eleven—the account of Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead—I find the assurance that God knows more than I do.

  1. My Father is the One and Only Time Lord

The story begins with Lazarus being seriously ill. His sisters don’t know what else to do for him, so they send word to Jesus. Lazarus needs healing now! We know Jesus was close with this family because Bible tells us “Jesus loved” them. So, I ask, what would I do if I were Jesus? I’d drop everything and rush to Bethany to heal Lazarus. Isn’t that what you would do if your close friend lay dying? That’s what makes the following statement in this account so astounding. “So, when He heard that he was sick, Jesus stayed two more days in the place where He was” (John 11:6). He let Lazarus die! 

Finally, He arrives in Bethany and witnesses the grief His delay caused. Mary and Martha suffered the agony of watching their brother die. They felt abandoned by the Lord in their time of need. They were no doubt confused and hurt by His “late” arrival. Jesus hurt too. The shortest verse in all of the Scripture, “Jesus wept.” (John 11: 35), reveals their loss deeply touched him, So why the delay?! 

From Mary and Martha’s perspectives, Jesus showed up too late. The reality is God is never tardy. He is the Father of time, the actual time Lord of all time. Unlike Dr. Who, who must travel to different times, God made time; He exists in it, all of it. Past, present, and future—God is there. The Lord sees the beginning and the end. He is the First and the Last. He tarries on purpose because He knows when is best. Our now is not His when. Therefore, we must learn to wait for Him.

  • My Father Knows My Real Need

Pressing circumstances and emotions cloud our perception. We lack the clarity to discern real needs from perceived ones. Our Heavenly Father does not. Mary and Martha believed their brother, Lazarus, needed healing; they thought they needed him alive. Jesus knew they needed proof of His resurrection power. By raising Lazarus from the dead, Jesus galvanizes their faith for the trials ahead. Trials form patience in us like nothing else can (James 1:2-3). The joy James speaks of is the joy that our Father, who loves us as we are, loves us too much to leave us that way (in sinful unbelief).

Jesus wasn’t concerned about giving Lazarus a little more time on earth. Lazarus was safe with the Father. Instead, Jesus cared about growing the faith of all saints from that time forward. More than a brother, Mary and Martha (and the rest of us) need to see eternal life is now. Their faith needed perfecting. Martha confesses her hope in a future resurrection. She knew someday her brother would live again. Jesus declares, “I AM the resurrection and the life.” Today is that day.

Jesus clarified Martha’s vague idea of the resurrection. Eternal life and resurrection power impact our present reality with sure hope. We have passed from death to life. We have eternal life. Now! Today Jesus is the resurrection. Jesus never said, “I will be.” He said, “I AM.”

The Time Lord knew the persecution those saints would soon endure. He knew they needed an enduring faith. By raising Lazarus, Jesus provided proof of life. He assured His disciples that “whoever lives and believes in me shall never die” (John 11:26).

I wonder how Lazarus felt about that lesson? Can you imagine being in the Father’s arms, in His perfect heavenly abode—without sin, pain, or death—then coming back here? Imagine the courage that gave all of them to endure persecution.

Like Mary and Martha, there are times I feel God is late. I feel confused and hurt because what I think I need is not what I really need. Yet, their story assures me that God, who knows my future, prepares me today for that Day. Our Father knows best.

Another Thanksgiving Day

Faith / By / August 9, 2021 / , ,

Yeah! It’s my birthday!

When the candles on the cake outnumber the slices, birthdays can lose their appeal. Some women ignore them. Others choose to lie about their age. I propose we take a different approach and count them as another Thanksgiving Day.

Unfortunately, Thanksgiving conjures up a day of leisure for most Americans. We think of feasting on turkey and pumpkin pie. Many watch football, But for those who follow Jesus, at some point, we become aware that God manifests His goodness to us daily. That even the unpleasant things He allows for our good; we realize that “in everything” we should give thanks “for this is the will of God” for us (Thessalonians 5:18)—including another trip around the sun.

Birthdays provide the perfect opportunity for thanksgiving celebrations. That’s why you’re reading a blog about thanksgiving in May. The Lord of life appointed my arrival into the world on May 28th, six decades ago. This year I celebrated being twenty for the third time—and it was a charm, thanks to Jesus.

The One who knit me together in my mother’s womb altered my celebration plans to include my mom, a blessing I had not foreseen last year when I began thinking about how I wanted to celebrate. Throughout the years I’ve walked with God, I found His plans are always better than mine, and for that, I say, thank You, Father!

Initially, I planned for three separate celebrations, one for each increment of twenty (I like parties). So, I booked a place to gather with three of my oldest friends. We had our babies together over thirty years ago, but the Spirit has scattered us across the country since then.

Thank You, Lord, for these dear women and all the years of friendship we’ve enjoyed!

I picked Savannah because one of these women was born and raised there and because I had lived in Georgia for a summer when I was a small child and had fond memories of Live Oaks draped in Spanish Moss. I wanted to see it again. I asked all three if they could afford the time and travel—and we picked a date.

Thank You, Jesus, for coordinating our calendars!

The second celebration I had in mind was one for just the Lord and me. I wanted to take a long road trip, see places I’d lived in the southeast, and catch up with other friends God transplanted there.

Thank You, Lord, for the many places You taught me to call home and the beautiful friendships You created in each location.

The plan was for me to drive to Georgia to meet up with my friends. Bringing my car would save us the expense of renting one. But I couldn’t plan for the death of my mom’s dear roommate and the dislocation that would cause her. Mom’s dilemma resulted in her staying with us. When the date for my trip to Savannah came around, I couldn’t leave her and my husband alone for my two-week road trip. Mom doesn’t cook, and my husband’s a pastor who often puts in sixty-hour weeks. The three of us discussed our situation. We decided I would fly to Georgia and just be gone for a couple of days.

Thank You, Lord for stretching me and teaching me to be flexible when things don’t go as I plan.

As it turned out, Cindy, my friend from Savannah, had come out early to visit her folks and already rented a car. I’m thankful God had her do the driving, not me. Cindy’s driving freed me up to enjoy sightseeing while she served as our tour guide. God provided perfect weather—low 80’s and lower humidity. Cindy remarked, “We only get about two days a year like this, and these are the two days!”  The Lord opened magnolias and filled the air with the scent of gardenias and jasmine. We strolled the river front and sampled warm pralines. Went to Tybee Island, hiked the light house, played on the beach, and ate fresh shrimp.

Thank You, Father, for delightful smells, tastes, and sights!

I let my road trip idea go. I hoped I might be able to do it after my mom left. I also spent a lot of time in prayer, asking God to direct my steps.

Then it became evident that it was time for my mom to move on to her next destination, Houston, TX, where she planned to live with my middle daughter. I asked my mom if she felt like taking the long way to Houston and making the trip with me. Bill, my protective husband, felt better about me not traveling alone. So, just a week before our departure date, I drew out a route and made reservations. I had my husband’s blessing and God’s clear leading.

I Praise You, God, for Your good hand upon me!

Not only did God allow my celebration of people and places, but He also allowed it to be a double celebration of my birthday and my mom’s labor day. It was a joy taking a 3,400ish mile road trip with my eighty-five-year-old mama. It may be the last travel we enjoy together. The Lord also aligned the calendars of the five friends I hoped to visit on that excursion, and I met with every one of them–including my best friend from junior high that I hadn’t seen in forty-six years!

Thank You, Heavenly Father, for doing exceedingly, abundantly above all I could ask or think.

Life is good. The years God gives us are worthy of celebrating but let’s be mindful that the point of celebrating is to give God thanks because He authors our lives and provides for all our days.

Thank You, Lord!

So, what of the third twentieth party? Originally, I hoped to gather my children and celebrate with my family.

 Father, I am most thankful for giving me a godly, loving, and generous husband and the satisfying relationships I enjoy with each of my adult children and their families.

But maybe two is plenty. I’ll leave that to Him. I love surprises.

On your next birthday, how will you give thanks?