repentance

Schooled by a Twelve-Year-Old

Family Life, forgiveness, grandparenting, humility, Maturity, repentance / By / September 7, 2023 / , , , ,

Never be too cool for school!

Back-to-school season signals vacation time to empty nesters like me. I no longer rush to get the best deals on school supplies. I don’t have to kiss summer vacation goodbye. Alice Cooper’s song School’s Out for Summer rocks through my mind, but the line “school’s out forever,” by God’s grace, is not a reality for me. I still need schooling.

She and I discussed the road trip we hope to take together next year for her thirteenth birthday. I’ve dreamed of giving her this coming-of-age adventure ever since she was born, a time for intimate one-on-one conversations about womanhood and changing bodies. After all, menopause and aging are the second adolescence.

For those of us who love Jesus and desire to be more like Him, every day is a school day, an opportunity to learn more about Him and be corrected by Him when we’re wrong. I remember how often the Lord used my children to teach and correct me. This summer, He used my twelve-year-old granddaughter to correct my thinking.

We look forward to laughing and discovering together. I want to share with my granddaughter the essential things concerning life—true life in Christ. She’s as excited about this trip as I am.

As we dreamed about the trip, I mentioned, “And we can even have ice cream for breakfast if we want, and your mom doesn’t have to know.” Please understand I am not in the habit of keeping secrets from my daughter. There’s a bit of history here that you should know.

When my granddaughter was five and her little brother was three, the adults ate ice cream after they went to bed. My grandchildren went to bed without ice cream! A terrible injustice in this Grandma’s estimation. So, the following morning, they each received a bowl of ice cream for breakfast, a one-time fun-and-done thing, or maybe an occasional treat. But the silly children ruined the fun when they continued to pester their mom for ice cream for breakfast after returning home. In exasperation, my daughter forbids me to ever serve her kids ice cream for breakfast again. Hence, my remark. At thirteen, I knew my granddaughter wouldn’t want a sugar-packed breakfast every day. It was a harmless bit of fun—I thought. My granddaughter’s reaction to my comment surprised me.

“I don’t think I feel comfortable keeping secrets from my mom,” she replied.

She was right. My suggestion that seemed harmless was very dangerous and foolish. I don’t want her keeping secrets from her mom, either.

“I’m so glad you don’t want to keep secrets from your mom. You are right, and I’m proud of you for telling me so. Will you please forgive me for even suggesting it?” I asked.

I was so ashamed of myself and so proud of her for having more discernment than I did.

She said, “Of course, I forgive you, Grammy.”

She and I both shared our conversations with her mom, my daughter. She understood I meant no harm, and we both enjoyed seeing the maturity of her twelve-year-old. I pray she will continue to have an open relationship with her mom and me. I’m thankful she felt free to disagree with me. I’m also grateful for God’s patient instruction—even when He uses a preteen teacher.

How have your kids or grandkids schooled you recently? Let’s be lifelong learners for God’s glory. It’s how grand gals roll!

Expensive Reminders

1 Comment / Community, Family Life, forbearance, forgiveness, friendship, humility, Marriage, Motherhood, patience, repentance / By / July 11, 2023 / , , ,

Don’t Force It!

I yanked the hose hard. I heard a thud mixed with the tinkling sound of shattered porcelain. I went and looked; sure enough, I had knocked down the side table my Bible, journal, glasses, and tea mug sat on. My heart sank as I picked up the pieces of the broken masterpiece. This mug was part of a set of four Claude Monet cups my daughter had given me for Christmas—a treasured gift. This one had been my favorite, Woman with Parasol. It reminded me of my great-grandmother Burton.

How many times did I hear my mom and dad caution me, “Don’t force it, Teri; you’ll break it?” How often have I given that same advice to my children and husband? If I had a penny for each time, I bet I could buy a replacement mug or a whole new set. Holding the fractured portrait in my hand reminded me people are fragile too. We can’t force them to be who they aren’t. We can’t force them to understand us or meet our expectations. When we do, the results hurt more than losing a mug.

Just yesterday, I yanked my husband too hard. I felt fragile and in need of empathy. I thought I had made myself clear. I’d been feeling this way on and off for two weeks, but yesterday—his day off—I expected some undivided attention. I waited until we went for lunch. He commented he was stuffy. I knew that. I even suspected he had a cold, not just allergies like he thought. Yet, I persisted to let him know how I felt. He didn’t get it. Most of us have trouble understanding when our heads are stuffy. He kept missing ques, and I got angry. At one point, I called him a bonehead. There’s no excuse for name-calling, even if it is descriptive. We worked through the tension. I confessed my unrighteous anger; he confessed his insensitivity. This conflict isn’t our first rodeo in forty years; we’ll keep working through our boneheaded moments because that’s what love does.

With patience and persistence, we can grow in understanding others, and they grow in understanding us. Faithful friends don’t dash our expectations on purpose. My dad used to tell my mom when he failed her expectations, “I fail telepathy.” Few are telepaths that can read minds. Most of us need clear articulation and repeated patient instruction.

If I had only gone back and checked to see what the hang-up with the hose was, I would not have shattered a mug. Today if we’re struggling in a relationship, let’s quit yanking others around to get us. Let’s treat them like Bone China not boneheads. Let’s go back to trying to understand them and gently explaining what we want from them. Let’s take these reminders from Scripture to heart today:

“A fool has no delight in understanding, But in expressing his own heart.” Proverbs 18:2

“He who answers a matter before he hears it, It is folly and shame to him.” Proverbs 18:13

“So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; for the wrath of man (and woman) does not produce the righteousness of God.” James 1:19-20