I Do Means I Only Do You, and You Only Do Me
`till Death Do Us Part.
Two days ago, my husband and I marked the forty-year milestone in our marriage—a ruby anniversary. That’s right; the 40th anniversary is the ruby anniversary. I wonder if that makes me a real-life Proverbs 31 woman. After forty years of marriage, am I worth more than rubies? Our anniversary celebration brought back bitter-sweet memories of planning a surprise party for my parents’ 40th in 2000, twenty-three years ago.
I’m so thankful God put it on my heart to do this for them. I called all their friends and relatives from across the country and invited everyone. I asked those who couldn’t come to please send a card. My folks had no idea what I’d been up to. The looks on their faces were priceless. My parents never celebrated a 50th. My dad passed away six years later at the age of 67. So young!
My husband turned 67 a few months ago. We realize life comes with no guarantees, so we threw a big ruby bash with a 1940s ruby slipper vibe. We’ve spent the last decade living in Kansas, and no doubt my “red shoes encouraged, but not required” personal comment to family members and a few friends met Dorothy’s approval.
My middle daughter gifted me with a stunning, custom-designed red satin dress. I had been looking online for a new affordable dress, and she said, “No, Mom. It’s like a second wedding dress. I want it to be special.”
More remarkable than her expensive present was the clean feeling of fidelity my husband and I share. I did not wear white to our wedding forty years ago because the chastity it symbolizes was not mine to give. I didn’t come to Jesus as a virgin and would not misrepresent myself in a covenant ceremony. By God’s grace, I am a chaste bride.
While wearing this “second wedding dress” brings me joy, honesty brings me even greater pleasure. My husband and I speak honestly and openly about our sexual relationship. It was not always that way. We both carried baggage into our marital bed; most people do. Even virgins can struggle to find or give marital pleasure to one another. If only we were honest! We could learn to cry and pray with our spouses as we work out these difficulties. Bill and I learned to do that, and you can too!
Then there’s the joy of holiness. Chaste couples enjoy the pleasure of worship in their marriage bed. God intended sexual intimacy between a husband and wife to culminate in fireworks and out-of-body ecstasy. It may not happen every time, but when it does, my hubby and I are not the only ones saying, “That was good!” The Lord declares, “It is good,” too.
Intimacy creates a safe place to find joy. To share yourself, and expose yourself unashamed with the only person you trust implicitly for a lifetime, satisfies a soul more than the world’s cheap imitation.
Our bodies change over time; we will never be as firm and attractive as we were in our 20s and 30s. Fidelity develops a more profound attraction over time. The covenant commitment makes wrinkles appear softer, flab appear firmer, and even sag seems sumptuous. Fidelity in lifelong matrimony is magic, sheer miraculous joy!
Let’s keep our vows. Let’s live in the joy of fidelity God intends for us. It’s not easy, and sometimes we need help. Bill and I sought counseling when we sometimes struggled to be mutually satisfied in our marriage bed.
If you are struggling in your marriage, seek godly Biblical counseling. Let someone help you and your husband learn to enjoy what God intended for your pleasure. And if you or your spouse have violated your covenant through adultery, don’t despair. I repeat. Do. Not. Despair! Our God provides forgiveness and restoration. He pursues His unfaithful bride. The Lord even called the prophet Hosea to marry the prostitute, Gomer, to illustrate His unfailing love and forgiveness. By God’s grace, He restores even the most hopeless relationships and helps us forgive sins that seem unforgivable.
It is a new year. Let’s celebrate with a renewed commitment to fidelity.
If you’re struggling and want me to pray confidentially for you, please email me at [email protected].
Lord, let the wonder of Your unfailing love shine into a world that desperately needs to understand the joys of staying married. Let our marriages reflect the beauty of our covenant-keeping Savior.